my second home

My second home is a place where you can always find me besides my house of course. This place can be heaven and yet a hell to me. Sometimes I can only be 80% of myself here not quite like me home. People here have the same aim, 99% of them are, to earn something. Some to earn respects and mostly for $$. Me, for example to earn $$ and satisfaction. Tomorrow will be my second month there. I found out that living in this home isn't as fun as I used to think. Lecturers had been telling us, "Learn and ask as much as you can, or else you'll be their jokes in the future". Everyone was thinking we know we know but now, standing at this point I truly understand what this mean. It means humiliation, shame and tears. So far nobody has yet humiliate me but I do. I feel so useless inside in spite people telling me I'm doing good enough for my level. There will always be a day for someone clearing my dump without miss or delaying their time to be home. I try my very best to do things quick and remember everything as much as I can but things still miss out somehow. What if they send me to other room? I dot even know I can cope with it. Whenever people telling me I'm good enough, my tears was like being set by an auto machine but I will always push them back. I do not want to show them how weak am I, I never want! FATHER, please allow me to gain my confidence back.